I turn thirty this week. It feels a lot like what 29 felt like. I've actually felt I've been 30 since turning 29, and this past year was just like the months leading up to the electric chair. That sounds a tad dire.
It's just that there's a huge difference between what I thought 30 would be like and what 30 actually is. I thought by this point, I'd be standing on my own two feet financially. I thought I'd be working in my field of choice. I thought I'd be married and have kids. Now that I'm here, I don't necessarily regret that these things haven't happened.
I know that if I decided to take the 40 hour per week job and go the 9 to 5 route, I could. I still have confidence that I'll make it as a filmmaker. I still look forward to meeting my future better half. And while I love kids, I don't see myself as a father just yet.
Honestly, when I looked to the future, I couldn't see myself past 30. Since childhood, I saw life like a movie that ended at 30. Seriously, at the end of this "movie," I had become the man I aspired to be and there was crane shot that widened out and faded to black. I'm now seeing the truth behind every cliché that's ever been spouted regarding life. Life is a journey. There is no crane shot.
What I can say, entering the fourth decade of my life, is that I'm more determined than ever to get my filmmaking career going. It's at the top of the list. Ironically enough, I don't think I could have been a creatively successful filmmaker any sooner because I hadn't lived enough. To be an effective filmmaker, you have to have had a little bit of the human experience. I've had my heart broken a bunch of times, I've had my share of failures and successes, and now I'm ready to get behind the camera.