Running Commentary #25
My recap of the 2008 Oscars.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Beu5FU4bid8
Showing posts with label Oscars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Oscars. Show all posts
Monday, February 25, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Overtime
Were just about at 11:30 and there are still four major categories left to present.
Harrison Ford is out to present the Original Screenplay award and gives the most lifeless reading I've ever seen. Somebody should have told him "Faster. More Intense." Ah yes. Diablo Cody cements her industry darling status with the win here. She gives a sweet speech, thankfully devoid of any pop culture references.
Here's Helen Mirren to present Best Actor. Danny Day Lewis is wearing a pair of hoop earrings. Are they making another sequel to Pirates? Daniel Day Lewis wins, and the universe continues to make sense. P.T. Anderson looks a lot different from the Magnolia-Fiona Apple days, when he looked like a computer geek. Daniel looks like a pop star, it's so weird that he's the guy that played Bill the Butcher and Daniel Plainview.
Best Director montage, and what am I thinking? "LORD, Sofia Loren was hot." I love that Scorsese was presented the award by Coppola, Spielberg, and Lucas. And here's Marty to present Best Director. The Coens win! Good job, fellas. These guys are so awkward. I love it.
Denzel is here for Best Picture sporting a shaved head and a goatee, making him look like Avery Brooks. "No Country" wins! Can't argue. It was even money with "There Will Be Blood."
And we're out, at 11:49.
Harrison Ford is out to present the Original Screenplay award and gives the most lifeless reading I've ever seen. Somebody should have told him "Faster. More Intense." Ah yes. Diablo Cody cements her industry darling status with the win here. She gives a sweet speech, thankfully devoid of any pop culture references.
Here's Helen Mirren to present Best Actor. Danny Day Lewis is wearing a pair of hoop earrings. Are they making another sequel to Pirates? Daniel Day Lewis wins, and the universe continues to make sense. P.T. Anderson looks a lot different from the Magnolia-Fiona Apple days, when he looked like a computer geek. Daniel looks like a pop star, it's so weird that he's the guy that played Bill the Butcher and Daniel Plainview.
Best Director montage, and what am I thinking? "LORD, Sofia Loren was hot." I love that Scorsese was presented the award by Coppola, Spielberg, and Lucas. And here's Marty to present Best Director. The Coens win! Good job, fellas. These guys are so awkward. I love it.
Denzel is here for Best Picture sporting a shaved head and a goatee, making him look like Avery Brooks. "No Country" wins! Can't argue. It was even money with "There Will Be Blood."
And we're out, at 11:49.
A bit of class
YAY! They bring the Czech girl back out to give her thank yous. That's classy.
I think Jon's doing good.
Time check: 11:03. 27 minutes.
Cameron Diaz comes out and has more trouble with English than Marion Cotillard. She's presenting Best Cinematography. They should have let her present Best Picture, that's only three syllables. Robert Elswitt wins for "There Will Be Blood." I feel bad for Roger Deakins.
Hillary Swank) is out to do the tribute. It ends with Heath Ledger. Roy Scheider would be in next year's.
Here's Amy Adams again. I don't think that was her in the dance number. Maybe it was Isla Fisher. She's presenting Best Score. "Atonement" wins. No complaints here. He seems to go a little long without being played off. I think Conti is looking out for his musical brethren.
Tom Hanks presents some soldiers in Baghdad to present Short Documentary. That's cool. I can't say anything about these films because I know absolutely nothing about them. Okay, the winner is more overcome than Marion Cotillard.
Tom presents the awards for Best Doc. It would have been HUGELY ironic if the soldiers presented these with three anti-war films. "Taxi to the Dark Side" wins. Michael Moore gets no camera time. The winner gives a charged speech, but doesn't name names. Surprisingly tame evening thus far.
I think Jon's doing good.
Time check: 11:03. 27 minutes.
Cameron Diaz comes out and has more trouble with English than Marion Cotillard. She's presenting Best Cinematography. They should have let her present Best Picture, that's only three syllables. Robert Elswitt wins for "There Will Be Blood." I feel bad for Roger Deakins.
Hillary Swank) is out to do the tribute. It ends with Heath Ledger. Roy Scheider would be in next year's.
Here's Amy Adams again. I don't think that was her in the dance number. Maybe it was Isla Fisher. She's presenting Best Score. "Atonement" wins. No complaints here. He seems to go a little long without being played off. I think Conti is looking out for his musical brethren.
Tom Hanks presents some soldiers in Baghdad to present Short Documentary. That's cool. I can't say anything about these films because I know absolutely nothing about them. Okay, the winner is more overcome than Marion Cotillard.
Tom presents the awards for Best Doc. It would have been HUGELY ironic if the soldiers presented these with three anti-war films. "Taxi to the Dark Side" wins. Michael Moore gets no camera time. The winner gives a charged speech, but doesn't name names. Surprisingly tame evening thus far.
Versatile and handsome
Penelope Cruz is out to present the Foreign Language Film. Four of them are war films. Interesting. "The Counterfeiters" wins. You know how this won? The voters said "Well, there's Nazis in it, it must be good."
"The versatile and handsome" Patrick Dempsey presents another "Enchanted" song. "Versatile and handsome?" Did scabs write up the intros? "Enchanted" had better win with one of these, or there's going to be no joy in Mudville.
Is that Isla Fisher... I mean Amy Adams dancing with the prince guy? Man, they're getting mileage out of her tonight. I can't tell if it's her.
John Travolta waltzes his way on stage with one of the dancers from the last number, nice segue. Then he nearly trips at the podium. THAT'S what Colin Farrell was bitching about. Travolta presents Best Song and "Once" wins. There is no joy in Mudville. The Irish guy makes a nice speech about how amazed he is to be there. Then Conti steps all over the Polish girl.
Jon makes a funny quip about the guy being arrogant. Then does a bit about Travolta leaving the lights on his jet, prompting Travolta to run back out. Speaking of unconscionable carbon footprints, no references to the environment. It's been a mercifully unpolitical evening on the whole. Of course, if "Sicko" wins, that's all out the window.
"The versatile and handsome" Patrick Dempsey presents another "Enchanted" song. "Versatile and handsome?" Did scabs write up the intros? "Enchanted" had better win with one of these, or there's going to be no joy in Mudville.
Is that Isla Fisher... I mean Amy Adams dancing with the prince guy? Man, they're getting mileage out of her tonight. I can't tell if it's her.
John Travolta waltzes his way on stage with one of the dancers from the last number, nice segue. Then he nearly trips at the podium. THAT'S what Colin Farrell was bitching about. Travolta presents Best Song and "Once" wins. There is no joy in Mudville. The Irish guy makes a nice speech about how amazed he is to be there. Then Conti steps all over the Polish girl.
Jon makes a funny quip about the guy being arrogant. Then does a bit about Travolta leaving the lights on his jet, prompting Travolta to run back out. Speaking of unconscionable carbon footprints, no references to the environment. It's been a mercifully unpolitical evening on the whole. Of course, if "Sicko" wins, that's all out the window.
To Robert Boyle: Congratulations, kid
They come back from break with Jon and the 11 year old from earlier playing Wii Tennis. And the crowd's into it. Cute.
Here's Colin Farrell to present a song from that Irish movie that everyone likes so well, the name of which completely escapes me for the moment.
You know what I haven't seen yet? They haven't done a single video montage for any of the Best Pic nominees. I wonder if they dropped that.
Here's Jack, all hail! Holy crap, he actually had a change of shades. He presents a self gratifying recap of EVERY BEST PICTURE WINNER FOR THE PAST 80 YEARS. What's the biggest injustice here? I can only comment on the ones in my lifetime and that's "Titanic" for me. But there's personal baggage involved there, I confess.
I should be timing this... We're an hour out from the scheduled finish. Are they going to make it?
"Saving Private Ryan" was robbed. As was "L.A. Confidential" the year before. That was a double kick to the balls.
"Bourne Ultimatum" wins for Editing. Bourne's doing well tonight. Albeit in technical awards. Not that it isn't a good movie.
Jon makes a joke about someone getting ahead in their Oscar pool on a guess about the editing award. That's borderline offensive to all the technical people, but it's true. And funny.
Nicole Kidman has a chandelier around her neck. Red dresses and maternity. Those are the trends tonight. She's presenting the Honorary Oscar for Robert Boyle, production designer. Wow, he's 98 years old. Why didn't the Academy wait a little longer on this one? They cut to Hal Holbrook in the audience, who's a kid by comparison. Robert proceeds to tell his life story. All 98 years of it. 45 minutes until the scheduled end of the show and it's BURNING UP. He wraps it up. I thought he'd turn 100 before his speech finished. All kidding aside, good for Robert. He damn well earned it. And his speech was actually beautiful.
Here's Colin Farrell to present a song from that Irish movie that everyone likes so well, the name of which completely escapes me for the moment.
You know what I haven't seen yet? They haven't done a single video montage for any of the Best Pic nominees. I wonder if they dropped that.
Here's Jack, all hail! Holy crap, he actually had a change of shades. He presents a self gratifying recap of EVERY BEST PICTURE WINNER FOR THE PAST 80 YEARS. What's the biggest injustice here? I can only comment on the ones in my lifetime and that's "Titanic" for me. But there's personal baggage involved there, I confess.
I should be timing this... We're an hour out from the scheduled finish. Are they going to make it?
"Saving Private Ryan" was robbed. As was "L.A. Confidential" the year before. That was a double kick to the balls.
"Bourne Ultimatum" wins for Editing. Bourne's doing well tonight. Albeit in technical awards. Not that it isn't a good movie.
Jon makes a joke about someone getting ahead in their Oscar pool on a guess about the editing award. That's borderline offensive to all the technical people, but it's true. And funny.
Nicole Kidman has a chandelier around her neck. Red dresses and maternity. Those are the trends tonight. She's presenting the Honorary Oscar for Robert Boyle, production designer. Wow, he's 98 years old. Why didn't the Academy wait a little longer on this one? They cut to Hal Holbrook in the audience, who's a kid by comparison. Robert proceeds to tell his life story. All 98 years of it. 45 minutes until the scheduled end of the show and it's BURNING UP. He wraps it up. I thought he'd turn 100 before his speech finished. All kidding aside, good for Robert. He damn well earned it. And his speech was actually beautiful.
Rice Piaf
Jessica Alba presented the Technical awards earlier in a cafeteria. I guess that's the consolation to the tech folks for not being on the big show "Hey, at least Jessica Alba's presenting."
A writing award! Best Adpated Screenplay. I love that everyone pays homage to Jack. He's the Godfather. Uh oh, chalk up another one for "No Country." Something's brewing... The Coens acceptance speech was charmingly awkward.
An explanation of the selection and voting process. HA! I laugh, because I know that nobody's watching everything they're supposed to.
Superdelegate joke. That kind of counts as an HRC/Obama reference.
Here's Miley Cyrus. Huh? She's not really a movie person. Not yet, anyway. Red is the color du jour for dresses. And SHE is the mystery woman I couldn't identify during the red carpet portion. She looks growns up in her gown.
Another "Enchanted" song.
Jon makes a joke about the pregnant ladies: Jessica Alba, Cate Blanchett, and Nicole Kidman. He already made one before, and now they're putting them on the big screen. I'm sure this is just as enjoyable for them as every stranger in Kodak Theater coming up and rubbing their bellies.
Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill! They do a bit and present Sound Editing. The winners get the orchestra treatment.
Now Sound Mixing. I had no clue editing and mixing were two separate categories. It's a "Bourne" sweep. That means the poor bastard who was nominated for "Transformers" continues his record winless streak. THESE guys get the music, too.
BEST ACTRESS. Forest Whitaker presents and quotes Brando. Well, I guess the writers quote Brando. Cate looks scared by her own clip. The Euro-love continues as Marion Cotillard gets it. She's really overcome. It's a Roberto Benigni moment, as the emotions and lack of English cause her to babble charmingly unintelligible phrases.
A writing award! Best Adpated Screenplay. I love that everyone pays homage to Jack. He's the Godfather. Uh oh, chalk up another one for "No Country." Something's brewing... The Coens acceptance speech was charmingly awkward.
An explanation of the selection and voting process. HA! I laugh, because I know that nobody's watching everything they're supposed to.
Superdelegate joke. That kind of counts as an HRC/Obama reference.
Here's Miley Cyrus. Huh? She's not really a movie person. Not yet, anyway. Red is the color du jour for dresses. And SHE is the mystery woman I couldn't identify during the red carpet portion. She looks growns up in her gown.
Another "Enchanted" song.
Jon makes a joke about the pregnant ladies: Jessica Alba, Cate Blanchett, and Nicole Kidman. He already made one before, and now they're putting them on the big screen. I'm sure this is just as enjoyable for them as every stranger in Kodak Theater coming up and rubbing their bellies.
Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill! They do a bit and present Sound Editing. The winners get the orchestra treatment.
Now Sound Mixing. I had no clue editing and mixing were two separate categories. It's a "Bourne" sweep. That means the poor bastard who was nominated for "Transformers" continues his record winless streak. THESE guys get the music, too.
BEST ACTRESS. Forest Whitaker presents and quotes Brando. Well, I guess the writers quote Brando. Cate looks scared by her own clip. The Euro-love continues as Marion Cotillard gets it. She's really overcome. It's a Roberto Benigni moment, as the emotions and lack of English cause her to babble charmingly unintelligible phrases.
Score one for the White Witch
Javier kisses his mom on the lips. Shades of Angelina Jolie!
The advertising during the breaks is definitely female-centric.
"The star of August Rush, Kerri Russell." Too bad Jon couldn't have said a good movie, like "Waitress."
The 11 year old has got a set of pipes.
Here's Owen Wilson for Live Action Short. I love that he translated "Le Mozart de Pickpockets" into English: "The Mozart of Pickpockets." I never would have guessed. And it wins. A lot of love for the Europeans tonight.
Here's Seinfeld presenting as an animated bee. Who's the more famous animated bee? Seinfeld or Antonio Banderas? Ah, he's presenting Best Animated Short. "Peter and the Wolf" wins, I know nothing about this film, but it does my heart good to see a stop-motion film do well.
Here's some trivia, on Roseanne, both her mother and grandmother were Oscar winners, Estelle Parsons and Shelly Winters.
Best Supporting Actress time.
The "Atonement" girl reminds me so much of somebody, but I can't think of who. It could be a man, though.
Tilda Swinton wins. That's a mild surprise. Well, I didn't really have a pick there, but I can't say her performance jumped out at me. Not that it wasn't good. In fact, she was a rather sympathetic villain. She jokes about George Clooney being on set in his nippled Batman costume. Nice.
The advertising during the breaks is definitely female-centric.
"The star of August Rush, Kerri Russell." Too bad Jon couldn't have said a good movie, like "Waitress."
The 11 year old has got a set of pipes.
Here's Owen Wilson for Live Action Short. I love that he translated "Le Mozart de Pickpockets" into English: "The Mozart of Pickpockets." I never would have guessed. And it wins. A lot of love for the Europeans tonight.
Here's Seinfeld presenting as an animated bee. Who's the more famous animated bee? Seinfeld or Antonio Banderas? Ah, he's presenting Best Animated Short. "Peter and the Wolf" wins, I know nothing about this film, but it does my heart good to see a stop-motion film do well.
Here's some trivia, on Roseanne, both her mother and grandmother were Oscar winners, Estelle Parsons and Shelly Winters.
Best Supporting Actress time.
The "Atonement" girl reminds me so much of somebody, but I can't think of who. It could be a man, though.
Tilda Swinton wins. That's a mild surprise. Well, I didn't really have a pick there, but I can't say her performance jumped out at me. Not that it wasn't good. In fact, she was a rather sympathetic villain. She jokes about George Clooney being on set in his nippled Batman costume. Nice.
Anton Chigurh pwns you
The Rock is presenting Best Visual Effects. Hey... Rock kind of looks like a super buff Obama, hmmm... "Golden Compass" wins. Let's see if these guys get to finish their speech. They give the poor technical guys like 2 seconds.
They made it! Each guy got shorter and shorter. It's like the last guy was practically doing semaphore.
"Sweeney Todd" gets Art Direction. Well deserved. Man, Cate Blanchett seems to be pregnant whenever she's not making a movie. And then practically every movie when she's not Bob Dylan.
Musical hook #3.
Okay, first acting award, Best Supporting Actor. Which of course, gives us masturbatory video #2. Holy crap, it's been 11 years since Cuba won? At least he got to play Nicky Barnes in "American Gangster." It was depressing to watch him playing second banana to Michael Jordan in underwear commercials.
If Javier doesn't get this one, I may leave the building. No disrespect to anyone else in the category. I'd love if Casey Affleck won just because then he'd have an acting award and Ben wouldn't.
Javier wins, and the universe still makes sense. He's either with his mom or into much older chicks. Okay, it's his mom. He busts out the Spanish to thank her and dedicate the award to España.
Let's see if this is the start of something for "No Country."
They made it! Each guy got shorter and shorter. It's like the last guy was practically doing semaphore.
"Sweeney Todd" gets Art Direction. Well deserved. Man, Cate Blanchett seems to be pregnant whenever she's not making a movie. And then practically every movie when she's not Bob Dylan.
Musical hook #3.
Okay, first acting award, Best Supporting Actor. Which of course, gives us masturbatory video #2. Holy crap, it's been 11 years since Cuba won? At least he got to play Nicky Barnes in "American Gangster." It was depressing to watch him playing second banana to Michael Jordan in underwear commercials.
If Javier doesn't get this one, I may leave the building. No disrespect to anyone else in the category. I'd love if Casey Affleck won just because then he'd have an acting award and Ben wouldn't.
Javier wins, and the universe still makes sense. He's either with his mom or into much older chicks. Okay, it's his mom. He busts out the Spanish to thank her and dedicate the award to España.
Let's see if this is the start of something for "No Country."
Best Animated Flick
They just ran the same Yukon Hybrid commercial with the animated Sisyphus-like guy pushing the rock up the hill. They're really appealing to the intellectual, green audience with that.
The Cloonster is having a bit of trouble getting started with his presentation, here. It happens to middle age men.
Oh yeah, I forgot to give an over/under on masturbatory videos. Well, regardless, here's the first. I think it was the 75th when they brought out all the living winners from the past 75 years. God, that took forever. I'd love to see Ernie Borgnine here tonight, though.
I just figured out how this could be more grating, play "My Heart Will Go On."
Anne Hathaway looks like she's made out of porcelain. Stay out of the sun, sweetheart.
"Persepolis" sounded like "For Syphilis." And incidentally, I think it sucks that "Persepolis" didn't get a Best Foreign Language nomination and has to go up against "Ratatouille."
Funny acceptance speech by Brad Bird... and he gets the hook. Cue the orchestra! #1
Katherine Heigl looks VERY Marilyn Monroe tonight. She's nervous as hell. That's cute. She just offered the envelope to the winner and said "Do you want this?" That's cute.
"Get the f*ck off the stage" #2, take it away Conti.
Isla Fisher... Sorry, Amy Adams is singing a song from "Enchanted." She does really well.
There's a piece with Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones talking about their respective Oscar wins. I still hate Michael Douglas for stealing Catherine from me.
Alright, the right eye commercial is the first to rock my socks. It's for Mastercard.
The Cloonster is having a bit of trouble getting started with his presentation, here. It happens to middle age men.
Oh yeah, I forgot to give an over/under on masturbatory videos. Well, regardless, here's the first. I think it was the 75th when they brought out all the living winners from the past 75 years. God, that took forever. I'd love to see Ernie Borgnine here tonight, though.
I just figured out how this could be more grating, play "My Heart Will Go On."
Anne Hathaway looks like she's made out of porcelain. Stay out of the sun, sweetheart.
"Persepolis" sounded like "For Syphilis." And incidentally, I think it sucks that "Persepolis" didn't get a Best Foreign Language nomination and has to go up against "Ratatouille."
Funny acceptance speech by Brad Bird... and he gets the hook. Cue the orchestra! #1
Katherine Heigl looks VERY Marilyn Monroe tonight. She's nervous as hell. That's cute. She just offered the envelope to the winner and said "Do you want this?" That's cute.
"Get the f*ck off the stage" #2, take it away Conti.
Isla Fisher... Sorry, Amy Adams is singing a song from "Enchanted." She does really well.
There's a piece with Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones talking about their respective Oscar wins. I still hate Michael Douglas for stealing Catherine from me.
Alright, the right eye commercial is the first to rock my socks. It's for Mastercard.
Running Commentary's running commentary on the Oscars
Well, I'll be sitting in front of my computer for the whole show, so I may as well post up to the minute rants.
I was only half watching the red carpet pre-show, but George Clooney was with a beautiful woman, who looked considerably younger than him. Attaboy, George.
Here are some Running Commentary over/unders for you:
Times Bill Conti and the orchestra start playing over an acceptance speech: 5
Number of shots at Bush/Iraq war in an acceptance speech: 4
Obama references: 6
HRC references: 8
How long past 11:30pm EST the show runs: 30 minutes
Writer's Strike references: 25
Number of cutaways of Michael Moore when W is mentioned: 106
Regis just called Javier Bardem "Xavier." Javier just about went Aton Chigurh on his ass.
I was only half watching the red carpet pre-show, but George Clooney was with a beautiful woman, who looked considerably younger than him. Attaboy, George.
Here are some Running Commentary over/unders for you:
Times Bill Conti and the orchestra start playing over an acceptance speech: 5
Number of shots at Bush/Iraq war in an acceptance speech: 4
Obama references: 6
HRC references: 8
How long past 11:30pm EST the show runs: 30 minutes
Writer's Strike references: 25
Number of cutaways of Michael Moore when W is mentioned: 106
Regis just called Javier Bardem "Xavier." Javier just about went Aton Chigurh on his ass.
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